one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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