what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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