not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
