You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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