it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
