i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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