so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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