May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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