I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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