Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
