Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
