I seem to have left my pride at pride
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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