Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
