I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
