I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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