I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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