What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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