I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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