I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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