I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
