that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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