I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
