the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
