census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
