a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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