if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
