I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
