Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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