i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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