How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
