btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
