i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
