everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
