I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
