don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
