Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
