K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They have beer where we have blood.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
