i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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