i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
