Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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