Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
