yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
