by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.