I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash