Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire