Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival