If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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