get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
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when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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