in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i now understand why vodka
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
