i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
