she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
