Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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