Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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