yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
