This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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