I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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