Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
