just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Watching her eat just hurts me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
