Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize