I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
