brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
