based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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